WASHINGTON — Moments after Iranian state media confirmed the death of Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei in a precision strike, Democratic leaders were already spinning the news as a massive get-out-the-vote victory

“Democrats should look on the bright side,” said Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI), captured in the now-viral photo screaming with joy beside a framed portrait of the late dictator while proudly displaying her “Fuck ICE” and “Release the Files” pins.

“Now that Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is dead, he’ll probably vote for us in the midterms! We’ve got his mail-in ballot pre-filled, his ghost already registered in three swing states, and zero chance he shows up at the polls to ruin everything.”

Party strategists confirmed the Ayatollah’s provisional Democrat registration was processed at 3:17 a.m. via a secure Dropbox folder labeled “Totally Legit Foreign Ballots.”

Sources say his vote will be counted “early and often,” just like the good old days.

At press time, the DNC was reportedly drafting a resolution to rename November 3rd “International Dead Dictator Appreciation Day” and was shopping around for a new campaign slogan: “From Tehran to Atlanta — We Count Every Vote (Even the Ones That Expired in 1989).”

Reporting live from the coping-and-seething desk,
Gabe Owners
TDS News